Nurses - A Thank You

Apparently, for the world of social media has told me so, it is Nurses Appreciation Week.


I think in weeks like this it is important to reflect not only on how much we truly appreciate Nurses and all that they do, but also how they have directly helped us in our personal journey.  Therefore, I am now going to try to recall every instance in which a Nurse has directly helped me.  This includes situations like phone calls, office visits and even prior knowledge gained due to previous visits.  That last part comes in particularly handy to me as I enjoy performing several "DIY surgeries" from time to time - a skill fully handed down to me by my father - and the knowledge I gained from Nurses in my past helped me severally in those procedures.


So, without further ado...the list.


1. I was born, thanks for cleaning me off Nurses, you did a great job...look how I turned out!


2. I was bitten by a mysterious bug at a rather young (baby) age and my eye swelled shut.  It looked like my dad had punched a baby.  Thank you Nurses for not reporting him to CPC and for assuring my mother the swelling would go down.


3. Booster shots.  They suck.  I can't thank you for these, but I also didn't die of Mumps...so its a wash.


4. Around the age of 5 I was climbing on a boat in dry dock and fell off the back of the boat landing on the back of my skull.  I suffered a severe concussion.  I nearly went into a coma.  Depending on how you look at it, this either explains a lot...or...nope, this just explains a lot.  Thanks for keeping my brain tip top Nurses.


5. When I was around that same age I decide, with my friend Harley, that it would be cool to show how strong we were by lifting the picnic table at our babysitters house over our heads...by yourself...that's right, just one 5 year old lifting a whole picnic table.  Hernia, boom.  I managed to hide this from my parents until bath time when dad notice a tiny bump and asked if it hurt when he pushed on it.  Thanks for talking care of me Nurses...and making that whole bath thing less awkward.


6. Whilst in 1st grade, I helped my dad mow the lawn at my grandparents house and dad let me ride my bike home all alone.  It was the first time we didn't just pack it in his truck and go, I was very excited for my new found freedom.  As we came to about the half way point (dad trailing me in the truck, just in case) I decided to show off and jump a driveway curb.  Needless to say I caught far too much air and came down hard on my face.  My forehead and entire right side of my face were completely scabbed over but I had avoided any busted teeth or eye damage.  In this case I believe I specifically remember my mom calling Aunt Elsie for Nurse advice.  The class pictures were a week later.  I looked like a Leper.  I had to hold the class sign.  Ego check.


7. I believe around 1st grade is also when I had pneumonia.  Short stay in the hospital, but the Nurses were great and always made sure I was doing okay.  Again, thanks for making that whole nurse supervised bath in a hospital thing not weird.


8. For Christmas in 3rd grade I received my first BB Gun.  A Red Rider.  No, I didn't shoot my eye out.  That never happens.  What does happen is your cousin Davey gets jealous that you won't let him shoot the gun and then when you are least expecting it runs over and pulls the trigger and shoots you in the mouth.  Thanks Nurses for cleaning up that mess...and thanks to Dave's brothers for roughing him up over that one.


9. It was also in third grade that, in some weird "everyone crowd in the corner of the building because they are forcing us to go outside for recess on a freezing cold day" incident that I somehow managed to have my head smashed into a brick wall.  All I remember is basically crawling through the dirt while making noises like that lady that fell whilst smashing grapes and was roundly mocked on The Family Guy.  Thanks Nurses for what ever you did that day...I don't really remember it well.


10. Boys play football.  Tackling isn't pretty.  Sometimes things get...smashed.  Keith Wintz tackled me and his knee landed right on top of my crotch...it was not pleasant at all.  I thought I would be fine, but when I awoke the next morning walking was...not easy...because of...the swelling.  Thanks for the shot Nurses.  Thanks to old Doc Vlach for making that whole inspection as not awkward as possible for a young lad.


11. Some time around 5th or 6th grade I tripped over a rock whilst fishing, tried to catch myself and managed to break the pinkie finger bone in my hand.  Fishing should not be a dangerous sport, but my family has always liked to prove those theories wrong.  Thanks for the half cast Nurses, and the assurance that it would be just as cool as a full cast.


12. A few years later I managed to break my foot while playing hide and seek.  Everyone thought it was a ploy to catch people...it was not.  No cast, no shots, just a promise from the Nurse that I would be back playing baseball in a few weeks.


13. In Junior High I came down with a wicked cold...that seemed to turn into the flu.  The doctor told my mom that I should just keep taking the antibiotics and it would run its course.  After the third round of vomiting in less that an hour she called back...the Nurse told her I probably had an allergy.  Thanks for that, cleared up in under 24 hours.


14. Freshman year I was trying out for the baseball team, taking some grounders at second base, when the ball caught a rock, skipped up and drove directly into the tip of my non-glove right hand.  It hurt, but I recovered and threw the ball to first, immediately asking for another to make up for the mistake.  When the ball came...and the same thing happened I was pissed for sure.  I yelled for another grounder, but before I could Jay, at first base, called for time (odd in a practice).  I looked over to him as he held up the ball I had just thrown, "Lange there's blood all over this ball".  I looked down at my hand and that was the first time I noticed the nail was popped half off and there was blood running down my finger.  Thanks to the Nurses that cleaned me up and also devised a plan for me to wear a guard over my finger while the wound and subsequent broken bone healed.


15. Not a lot happened for the next year...until that night coming home from a volleyball game.  We were dumb kids and we were racing.  The way you win races in Northeast Nebraska is by knowing a better shortcut so we took to the gravel roads rather than stay on the highway.  Janeice caught a little too much air going over what I would later find out was a notorious hill for causing accidents.  When the car landed she over corrected and then again and by that time the car was going sideways into the right side ditch.  I was sitting in the back seat.  None of us (Janeice, Leslie and I) were wearing seat belts - like I said, dumb kids.  I remember putting my hands up to the ceiling as the green grass in the ditch rushed up toward the window and then chaos.  When I woke up, I was looking at the stars, lying on the trunk of the car, my legs laying drooped over the back seat, one ankle wrapped in a seat belt.  I'll maybe delve into this story a bit more later, but long story short, thanks EMTs and Nurses for removing that wooden spike from my shoulder and for taking care of my friends, especially Janeice who was the worst by far of any of us.  Thank you.


16. Senior year I took an elbow to the sternum in a football game, went right between the seam in my shoulder pads and gave me a pretty bad bone bruise.  Thanks Nurses for the Ice pack advise and thanks to the Doc in Yankton for telling me he ignored the same kind of injury in high school and had to have his chest wired together.


17. I really like History class with "Dr." Dave Zimmer...but it came at a time of day that made me want to take a nap.  I was taking just such a nap when my friend Pat Pearson decided to tickle my ear with an unfurled paper clip.  I jumped, Pat didn't move the paper clip...and it stabbed through my ear drum.  Blood...freak out.  Thanks Nurses for doing whatever you did that has allowed me to still hear clearly out of that ear.  I am currently enjoying some Telegraph Canyon because of you.


18. I enjoy the social aspect of college quite a bit, so when I woke up with a stomach ache that sent me crumbling in a heap when I jumped out of bed that morning, I assumed I had a hangover.  Called all my professors and told them I wouldn't be in that day, went to sleep on the couch.  When I woke up, Toby was just getting back from his first classes and asked if I was hung over, I said yes...and then realized I couldn't get up from the couch.  My midsection hurt more than I had ever experienced.  Called my mom, she called a Nurse, mom called me back and I got in my car to drive as fast as I could go and meet her half way between Norfolk and Hartington.  Thanks Nurses for somehow knowing I had a severely infected appendix and that it needed to come out immediately.  Two hours of surgery to clean up a burst appendix later, I awoke to find a familiar face staring down at me.  You may not remember asking me what I needed, you may not remember me telling you that I just wanted to sleep and you may not remember giving me a double dose of Morphine or what ever it was that knocked me out for the next four hours, but I do.  For that dose and the several thereafter that put me to sleep for the next two days, thank you.  To all the other Nurses in the OR that I was messing with while I was supposed to be passing out, I have this to say "I told you we have a high tolerance in this family."


19. I tend to not got to bed until much later than my wife and this was no different when we first started living together.  Our first place was in Lincoln, NE just off Pioneers and 40th street and we lived with our good friends Amy and Chad Miller.  One night after Laura had gone to bed I decided to take a shower and when I entered into our bedroom not wanting to wake her by turning on the light, I was confident it would be no problem to walk the 5 feet across the room and grab a pair of underwear from the armoire drawer.  I made sure to swing my hand out to check if Laura had left the door to the armoire open and when I felt nothing I confidently bent over to reach into the drawer.  What happened next can only be describe as Lange luck.  I missed the door with my hand, but caught it directly with my right cheek just below the eye.  When Laura finally got the light on in the room I was lying - in just a towel - hand over my face, blood streaming down my cheek.  A big thanks to Amy, a nurse, for supplying the butterfly band-aid that sealed up my face.  I have forgotten how much you yelled at me for waking you up that night...


20. My second year at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln I took a class called Stage Combat.  As an aspiring stage actor and lover of fighting in general, I was very excited for this class.  Needless to say, when we got to the part where they brought out the Rapier and Dagger I was positively giddy.  As my fight partner Brett and I began slowly working through the combination of attacks and parries that would make up our fight, we became a little too brave and went a little two fast.  Brett's Rapier glanced off my dagger and drove into my left eye, catching the lower lid and then coming back out of the socket.  I fell backward landing on my left arm and covering my eye.  When I was finally able to take my hands off my eye, there was just a scratch but we still had to go to the campus Doc office.  Thank you campus Nurses, for not freaking me out further than I already was and then offering to stab me in the right eye as well when it was discovered I had better vision in the left eye.


*As a result of the last two items, I spent a large part of my niece Liby's first year of life with a black eye including, I believe, her baptism.  I am her Godfather.


21. The summer before I was about to head off the grad school I was driving home from a late shift of bartending when I was rear ended at a stoplight at the intersection of 56th & A & Cotner in Lincoln.  The driver of the other vehicle sped off never to be caught and my car was totaled.  I was wearing a seat belt so I was able to sustain minor injuries to my knee and hip.  A big thanks to the Nurses that were able to provide me with proper guidance after this accident as two weeks later I ran the Lincoln Half Marathon.


22. The last week of grad school is really reserved for two things: 1) Closing the grad show 2) Partying at all other moments.  And so, when I woke up one morning with scratches on my ankles and calves, I figured it was due to the impromptu game of stage diving into bushes I had partaken in the night before.  Turns out it was not.  You see in Alabama the have these wonderful things called Fire Ants and I had apparently walked through one of their dirt piles the night before.  Thanks to the Nurses at the Doc in a box in Montgomery for calming my fears of severe skin infection and giving me the shots I needed.


23.  The final two instances deserve one post for they are extremely similar in their reason for being on this list.  When I was living in NYC and sleeping on my good friend Jeff's couch (the first time) I had a little bump on my neck that wouldn't go away.  First it was pimple, then a tiny "skin tag" then a few months later, it had somehow grown into a piece of flesh the size of a pencil erasure head.  It was gross.  So Jeff and I did what anyone would logically do in that situation: we got really drunk and went to CVS to get some wart remover tool that is supposed to freeze of warts.  I mean, it had to be a wart right!?!  Turns out it wasn't a wart and I woke up the next morning with an really angry skin lump the next morning.  A few days later, against the wishes of my good friend Dr. Vish I decide to get rid of it once and for all.  I showered, scrubbing the lump profusely, then iced it for 10 minutes under direct contact with the ice, then I used a clothes pin to clamp down the lump and force all the blood from it...then...I clipped it off with a fingernail clippers.  There was a lot of blood. It never came back.  Instance number two involved my taking apart and fixing of a favorite chair of mine.  I was prying up some old staples when the flat head screw driver skipped up over the staple driving straight into my left thumb.  It would be a few days of unrelenting throbbing before I figured out there was a large lump of skin now taking up residence under my thumbnail.  After about an hour of painful clipping and cutting, I was able to get said lump out and clean up my damaged thumb rather nicely.  For both of these cases, thanks Nurses for teaching me about sanitation of wounds and to be brave. 


I know there are several more instances I am forgetting, I know I can never give enough thanks.  Nurses feet hurt, their bladders are made of iron and they take a lot of shit - sometimes literally.  Quite often, they do not get enough respect so this week is our chance to give them just that.  Thanks Nurses for taking care of me and my accident prone brothers and father.  I'm quite certain I will be seeing you soon.