25 Random and Most Likely Stupid Things

Rules: 1. There are no goddamn rules!
2. If you haven't gotten this by now you never look at Facebook. Apparently these
things are all the rage. After much debate, I have decided to one because well, some
of you are doing them wrong. Random means random, therefore the one item should
not relate to the item before or after it, ever. I will now attempt to do this crazy thing.

Oh, and if you like, do the same thing and send it out to some friends, but no one is forcing you.

1. I ab-so-lutely love to gamble. If I made more money I would gamble on oh so many more things. I was very close to placing a bet on the length of the National Anthem this year for the Super Bowl, the over under was 1:57. I would have won. Some people think I am lucky because I often win when I gamble but I think luck is when preparation meets opportunity, or something like that. The only thing I won't gamble on is the outcome of a baseball game.

2. When I was in the 1st grade I flipped over the handle bars of my bike and landed on my face. Before you say "well that explains a lot", there are no lasting scars. Almost my whole face was covered in scabs, forehead to chin, but not my eyes or mouth. First grade pictures were a week later. I got to hold the plaque, front and center. Thanks Swanny!

3. When I was in grad school I met some of the coolest people and became really good friends with them, we really were like a little family. I fear that I will never get to spend time with them like I did whilst in Montgomery.

4. Late at night when I am trying to go to sleep and can't I will pray. Often I try to do a rosary because that would make my Grandma Koenig proud, and if I get through the rosary - which is rare - I know its gonna be a long night. If I don't pray, I think of all the houses I have ever lived in and how I would remodel/renovate them because generally I liked them all.

5. People say it a lot, but I'm pretty sure my wife deserves some sort of award for putting up with me.

6. I hate reality TV. It might be because I have watched the oldest reality show on television - Major League Baseball. The only "reality" shows I watch involve Gordon Ramsey and the BBC, because once you get that guy on FOX, they just manage to fuck it up.

7. My Grandpa Lange change his name from Marlen to Boge. I think Boge/Bogener means boy in German which is funny. He's probably pissed because I just mentioned his real name to people outside the family. My conformation name is Marlen. Nathan Thomas Marlen Lange. Oh, and Tom is my dad's name so I'm kind of like a family tree guy.

8. What the hell is the ShamWow made out of? That thing seems like it actually creates liquid out of nothing. You spill a soda, sop it up with the ShamWow and when you wring it out, there's more soda that the amount you spilled! I would like to set up an experiment where a bunch of people stand around a full swimming pool holding a bunch of ShamWows and at the same time throw the ShamWows into the pool. My guess is there would be a great explosion and the entire area would turn into a desert. Oh, and damn that guy that sells them on TV, he makes me not want a ShamWow and want one at the same time. He should be working for the government.

9. I make friends very easily, or so I've been told. I guess I generally just like people, for the most part, and want to know more about them. However, for all the friends I've made, my family are some of the best people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I think that's why I love the holidays so much because it means I can go back home and hang out with my closest friends. If you have never met my parents you should know that they are really just like a couple of older siblings that happen to be in charge of everything. They're kick ass people.

10. Ten is my favorite number. I don't really know why but I have always liked it more than any other number. In baseball it was my number and my nickname was Dime, I liked that. I suppose it speaks to the fact that I can be kind of a perfectionist and its a nice round number. Some of you might not think this was random but I didn't think of it until after I stared at the screen for a good minute, so fuck off.

11. When I got married there were more than a few people that came up to me to express their disappointment that I would no longer be a "Wedding Crasher". It wasn't until then that I realized how much of one I was. For shit sake one summer I crashed so many weddings I started decorating the inside of my car with pieces of decoration from each wedding I had been to, no invites. I have caught 8 garters in all the weddings I have been to, some people say it was a sign, I think I'm just really good.

12. In high school I would drive to Casey's almost every morning and buy a giant pack of NERDS to snack on throughout the day. I also had an elaborate straw system set up so I could drink chocolate milk from the quart I would place at the bottom of my locker every once in a while. Listen I'm just a hungry dude.

13. When I was little I wanted things that would have made me a total nerd. I wanted braces but was blessed with extremely straight teeth. I wanted glasses but was blessed with better than 20/20 vision. Oh, and I was always hoping that I would break my leg or arm because then I could wear a cast. None of these things ever happened. I have since started to wish I was poor and homeless.

14. This might seem arrogant, but me and my friends in high school were shopping at Goodwill, wearing Aviators and being Jackasses before any of you other people that it was remotely cool. I'm not saying we deserve anything for it. You all think Thomas Edison invented the light bulb but he just perfected it. Humphry Davy INVENTED the light bulb.

15. I'm pretty sure I have skin cancer. Or at least the beginnings of it. I was a lifeguard for 4 years and would only use sun block on my ears. Right now I can think of 3 spots on my body that are most definitely dangerously close to skin cancer. Look, I had a ridiculously awesome tan and I would love to get back to that but I don't have the time and I now realize the dangers.

16. I have what I like to call "Bad Good Luck". When random bad things happen to me, I come out looking pretty good. Some examples: I lost my checkbook in Colorado while at the Colorado v. Nebraska football game, we slaughtered the Fuffaloes and somehow the only nice Colorado fan found my checkbook and mailed it back to me, my cell phone fell out of the car at a rest stop when me and my friend Kevin were on a road trip to Minnesota and the janitor of the rest stop found it and called my wife and mailed it back to me, when I was driving back from Alabama with a car packed full of my possessions and absolutely no access to my spare tire I ran over a nail in one tire and the thing didn't go flat for 3 days a week later the other back tire went flat due to a faulty valve.

17. My dogs are Pugs and when they sleep they snore worse than your uncle Lenny. The snores sound like: machine guns, motor boats, choking, weezing, old doors opening, asthma, fat people farts and whiny babies to name a few. I think my dogs prepared me to be able to sleep with almost any background noise. I love falling asleep to the sound of them snoring.

18. My little brother Tucker is a pretty cool dude. He's doing a lot of the things that I wish I would have done with my life but never did and I think about how proud of him I am for that on a daily basis. My brother Ian is one of the best fathers I have ever seen and I think about how proud of him I am for that on a daily basis. My parents are hippies.

19. When I win the lottery, after I pay off all of my bills and set a portfolio that will make me and my family comfortable forever, I will be "investing" in a large portion of my friends futures. If you are on this list, there is a good chance you will be one of those people.

20. I really want to be able to play the guitar better than I do. I don't play well. Its hard to get motivated because I use my dad's old guitar and the neck is cracked at the base so the damn thing is never in tune, but I still try. If I had a band and it needed a name, I would suggest Grandpa's Lapdance. We would play the shit out of Freebird.

21. I never thought I would live past the age of 18. After I reached that age and passed it, it was 21, then 24, then 27. Now its 33 and I can honestly say this one is the one I fear the most. Needless to say this adds to my fear of 2012 for in that year I will turn 33.

22. The only thing I ever wanted to be when I was growing up was a baseball player. I would keep my own stats of how I did and read books and do drills to improve outside of practice. I wasn't delusional either, I just wanted to be paid - any amount - to play the game I love. When I realized the wasn't going to happen (and it was far too late) it was a sad day. Now, I want more than anything in the world to be a good actor, not famous or crazy rich, just a guy who, when actors discuss the trade they think of me. They don't even have to mention me, just think about it and then pass. I pray all the time it doesn't end the way the baseball thing did.

23. I make the assumption that most people don't really care for me. I suppose this has to do with the knowledge (for I've been told) that I come across as a dick sometimes. Its the big brother in me I guess. Its a good thing I don't care.

24. I have secrets that I will never tell anyone. Ever. Not even my wife. Not even on my death bed. They mostly involve theories on sandwich making and things having to do with the government.

25. Potato Salad. Now that's random.